So, it’s been a while since I’ve written my first blog and to be honest that was a bit of an experience for me.  I simply wrote what came into my head and hey some people didn’t like it, and some loved it. The feedback I got from so many people was amazing and it circles the internet daily falling into the hands of the right people.

What was my aim in writing the blog and why did I get a little raw in it …?

Quite simply, it’s my story.

What’s the point in telling something half arsed …

I wanted to share how I had changed my life around in such a short period of time and what it took for me to do it.  It’s taken a lot for me to talk in black and white … I don’t talk about my personal life to anyone other than a select 1 or 2.

In this blog post, I’d like to touch on a subject that effects so many people and that is body image, lack of confidence or insecurities and the pressure society is under with all this social media. I’m putting myself right out of my comfort zone and opening a piece of me that nobody sees.  I’m going to talk about what I know, my experience and the pressure I put myself under working in this industry.

I’ve always struggled with my weight but 10-15 yeas ago I was a lot heavier, quiet unfit but I had confidence. I never hid away body parts, I didn’t let it all hang out either but if I remember right, I felt quite comfortable in my own skin even when it came to relationships.  However now I’m very much the total opposite … and I know why.

The 8 years since I started my journey, a journey that was never planned, I could never imagine myself doing what I’m doing now.  This is where the problems started.

In my first blog I told you all how I lost I think it was around 4 ½ stone so during that time I was training quite aggressively and building some nice lean muscle. It took the guts of 2-3 years to actually get to where I felt absolutely amazing, I mean I had a full 8 pack, I was ripped, 8% body fat, now in my mirror I wasn’t too thin but when I look at photos now my god Its scary.  I looked like a 14-year-old child not a curve to my name. During this time, I was given some slack, you know the usual from your ma

“Sharon your going to thin”

“That’s not healthy”

But one person who had affected me mentally already for many years was saying horrible things about me behind my back and even sent a few text messages to me. I mean telling a woman she “looks like a man” kind of knocks the shit out of your self-esteem and confidence. You take it on the chin, but it hurts deep down. That comment has affected me dramatically.

I have learned there are two types of people in this world. The nice, genuine caring type are the people I surround myself with. The other type, well they try get in but I’ve no time for that shit. I choose whom I have in my circle of friends and family.  I also choose whom to allow into my personal life and my professional life.

That was the start of me having this mental image of myself, being overweight and bulky. Looking back, that was also around the time that I started having anxiety attacks. I was still really lean but that soon changed when I fought for Ireland and my Personal Training career took off with a bang. I was working nonstop, there were no boundaries, no balance and within a year I was no longer lean or fit as a fiddle. I still trained whenever I could, but I was running a gym, a home on my own, going through a lot of personal stuff… so yep my 6 solid meals a day and my 2-3 training sessions were gone out the window.

I was back to square one, not completely back, but I was a lot worse when I stood and looked in the mirror. I cried. What has happened to me?

Again, I’m a personal trainer who wants to hire a trainer who was out of shape.  Again, it’s all about the body image.  I’m following all these “instafamous” trainers, everything is perfect I mean their lifestyle is flawless.  For the 50th million time I’d say …

“That’s it shar get your act together, I’ve done it before I can do this again”

WRONG.  Constantly falling off the wagon, no motivation, no confidence in myself and totally insecure.

I’m also single and struggle so badly with dating.  I mean …  I’m by far the leanest person in the world … I mean why would a man want to date or have a relationship with someone that looks like a man, bulky shoulders and bulky legs. I felt horrible like disgusting, always checking myself in the mirror, pinching the lumps of fat on my arms, legs and tummy. Not being able to take a compliment and I don’t mean out of shyness but out of total disbelief, I mean what are these people seeing that I don’t see. Never mentally knowing how to overcome this or how to look at my body in a different way.

So, time went on, I opened my first business and again that little balance went out the window. Hard work went into every single person and I loved every minute of it. Then I caught that glimpse in the mirror. That set me off, I neglected everything I promoted. This made me hit rock bottom, mentally I couldn’t cope with looking and feeling like this anymore.  I knew I had to change how I was thinking, figure out where I was going wrong with myself. Everything else was going great, my business, my kids, all brilliant.  Something wasn’t quite right with me.  I needed to fix me for more than 1 reason …

I can’t get a balance going until I balance out my mind and what the hell is going on with it.

This is where Sharon Hughes life coaching came in to help me.  I did tell you about her in my last blog.  I went to this lady to see where I was going wrong. She changed my way of thinking, stopped me focusing on diet and pressures of life.

Why was I putting myself under so much pressure to look like a fitness model on Instagram when I know A LOT of it is photoshopped? I mean, while there are some great realistic profiles out there, sadly the majority of these profiles in the Instagram fitness industry are fake , when it come to these women with tiny waistlines, the perfect peachy bum, amazing arms, legs and shoulders, perfect hair, perfect skin and teeth having this perfect man sprawled across the bed with Netflix and chilling!! Yep it can be motivating to many but when your getting nowhere it takes you into a deeper hole. That’s where it took me.

I expanded the business, my clientele expanded. I didn’t carry much stress as I was a lot happier in the unit I moved into. Life was good but still that horrible lack of confidence, horrible fatty problems, everything you put on is tight. I’ve gone to prep coaches, high ranked prep coaches and all amazing, but I’m not a body builder I can’t live on 1300/1400 cals a day. I can’t stand in a gym doing 4 sets of 12 of a seated press.  I’ve tried but end up dumbbell snatching and bouncing around the floor doing burpess because that’s me, I crack up I need intense metabolic training.

I’m starting to come to terms with how I am and how I look.

My mindset is a lot more relaxed and opened to acceptance or maybe I’m just turning a corner in maturity who knows.

I’m curvy which I like, I’m womanly which I also like.   It’s getting the body fat down while holding onto the beautiful muscle that I worked hard as hell for and to build some more as time goes on. When I look in the mirror now I try focus on what parts of my body I like which has made a massive difference. I’ve unfollowed so many people on social media because they made me so annoyed with the fakeness and crap that come out of their mouth. That shit has an effect on most women today, especially the next generation!

I’ve taken on a new venture with my training and nutrition.  I’m making it a lot easier and manageable for myself. I use a catering company called AB Catering Ashbourne for all my prepped meals. My new training with a Crossfit Cnoc Duleek has relit that spark for me. I’m studying nutrition more than ever, going over all my old notes and a lot from bloggers and fit posts. This year I plan on completing a diploma in it … because nutrition is key to everything.

I’ve upped my macros and all my client’s macros, I’m checking and logging everything, mentally I feel fantastic, physically and emotionally I’m in a pretty good place and I’m so energetic.

This is all down to the balance I’ve built up over the last few months of course I fell off the wagon but got straight back on and didn’t wallow in it like I’d normally do.

I know I’m not on my own with this one so best of luck if you have taking something from it. Also love to hear peoples progress stories, so gimme a mail and share your success.

I’ll be keeping you all posted on the progress. Thanks for taking time to read my blog.

Sharon x